Tuesday, January 10, 2012

And the world that we knew was raining blood

What's On: Yvaine from the "Stardust" movie soundtrack

Umwow. Been a long time. I don't have much time tonight - I spent too much wonderful time talking to Starrie, and I should have been in bed two hours ago, but wonderful things happened, and I'm just so happy to be talking to her again. Not even my sleeping pill can outfight the happy.

The last time I said anything productive, I was three hundred dollars behind on my phone, my car was still dysfunctional, and I didn't have a job. Or rather, I was interviewing at various places.

Quick recap: Target saw the background check and said no. The gas station saw the background check and said no. The car got fixed (eventually) and I am working as an assistant on a special needs bus from six to nine in the morning, and then from one to five in the afternoon. The job itself isn't difficult, but the timing is. It's going to be damn near impossible for me to find a second job, which I desperately need. I'm living paycheque to paycheque because my stepmother is siphoning everything I make out of me before I can pay my bills. I'm barely keeping up with my credit card and car payment and those only because they're out of my bank. They take the money from me if I'm behind, as soon as it comes in.

The cell phone and computer, however... I'm about 1500$ behind, and they're both sending me threatening letters saying WE WANT IT ALL, and WE WANT IT NOW. I'm petrified of those letters because I don't know what's going to happen, and where the FUCK am I going to get 1500$? I don't even think my tax returns will equal that much, and I don't want to spend every last cent of the returns on bills. I wanted to at least get a new tattoo. It looks like I won't be able to, though, because I just...don't have the money. As I said to Renko the other day, I feel like a hamster on a wheel. I'm running and running as fast as I can, but I'm not going anywhere. And even if I stop and get off the wheel, I'm still stuck in a plastic cage.

Have been very depressed recently. That's one of the reasons I'm so incredibly happy to be talking to Starrie. I haven't been forgotten by all and sundry! I still have friends! AND she sent me the love of my literary life (the rewrite) so I can read it again, and use it for motivation. Because I refuse to let myself read it until I get some revisions done on Incandescent. It's going to be so hard, but I want to read it, and so I will revise. 8D If she'd send me the other two books (rewrites or not) my life would be complete. COMPLETE.

Oh yeah, speaking of life... Boyfriend and I broke up. It was peaceable, and we're still friends. But it just sort of reinforced my idea that I'm kinda 'DOOMED to be ALONE' which sounds like the title of a skeezy novel. Hah, my life would be a skeezy novel. Quel surprise. XD

So that's it with life. No boyfriend, new job, NO MONEY, but at least I have fiction - both my writing and others' - to get me through.

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